No one can declare victory in divorce. One party may get more custody or more money, but nobody wins.
- You once had something whole, and now it is divided. Whether that is half of your 401k or half of your children’s time, you no longer have the whole thing. Just like toddlers, we don’t like to share our things, especially when we are now divorced.
- Your investment is now worthless. Time, energy, vulnerability, and love for any marriage take work. Your payoff in divorce is disentangling your time, energy, vulnerability, and love from your former mate. This occurs without producing dividends on this investment we call marriage.
- Divorce is a gift that keeps on giving. The fight isn’t over. It has just has mutated from a 1-year litigation battle, to a lifetime of rehashing old wounds. The aftermath of divorce is like a lifetime of heartburn after eating a chili dog chased with a martini every morning.
- The nature of compromise dictates that winning is a state of mind. Judges and mediators are human. They work to craft the best solution, but this “solution” doesn’t take into account a points system in which parties win.
- Everybody hurts after the battle. Your mutual “friends” are confused about which “side” to take. Your children are worried about the tug-of-war for love, post-divorce. Even your dog looks askance, wondering who will fill her bowl. Your web of loved ones hurt with you and because of you. Divorce makes boundaries sketchy and old, secure relationships tenuous. How could that be a win?
I’m not suggesting that just because you can’t “win” divorce, you should not partake. I am trying to remind those contemplating divorce (and those who have freshly finished that marathon) that if you feel like you haven’t won, there are plenty of good reasons for that feeling.
Instead of focusing on the win, focus on the changes that you can make to win in your personal life. You can win back you- your self-esteem, your health, and your sense of peace.
The Law Office of Natalie Gregg
(972) 829 – 3923