Honorée Corpron Corder

Following is an interview between family law attorney Natalie Gregg and author / blogger / coach Honorée Corpron Corder. You can also follow her on Twitter 

Natalie: Honorée, for those who haven’t heard of your 100-day plan, what is it?

Honorée:  My 100-Day Plan is a goal- and vision-based plan someone can use to drill down what’s important to them – and then get it!

Natalie:  How did you develop the 100-day plan?

Honorée: I developed the 100-Day Plan because (a) I hate math and (b) I wanted a simple system that related easily with %-to-goal, i.e., if I want to make $100,000 in 100 days, based on what day it is, I know whether I’m on track, ahead or behind, and by how much (percentage-wise). Does that make sense?

Natalie:  Yes, thank you. Now, what is your favorite success story from women who have read your book and used your plan?

Honorée: One of the moms, Nanette Labastida, read the book and actually did the plan by herself. She paid off her debt, massively increased her real-estate business, and bought a new car! Then, she became on the first certified Facilitators for the Single Mom Transformation Program.

Natalie: What inspired you to write this book?

Honorée Corpron Corder's "The Successful Single Mom"

Honorée: I saw an Oprah Show where she was doing make-overs. When one of the ladies was being introduced, she was also a single mom, Oprah said, “Of course she’s a schlumpadink! She’s a single mom, so she’s focusing on work, her kids, the house…everything but herself.” I thought that wasn’t true in my case, and it didn’t need to be true about other single moms. In fact, I thought, “I’m pretty successful, and I’m looking pretty good…maybe I should write a book to encourage other single moms who haven’t quite gotten their mojo back after divorce.” I was quite tired of hearing, “Oh, you’re a single mom.” Like people felt sorry for me, or something. We all know being a single mom is the toughest job in the world, but when you’re doing it, you’re just doing it. Many times, you’re doing it great, I might add!

Natalie: For those of us who like to implement action plans, do you teach classes, and if so when and where?

Honorée: I actually do one-on-one executive coaching (my “real” job) with senior-level professionals, mostly service providers (like attorneys!). I also do training in these same service firms around rainmaking and business development, organization, time-management, and networking.

Natalie:  Who facilitates the classes, and are you looking for professionals to help ?

Honorée: We just certified our first four Facilitators for the Single Mom Transformation Program. We’re looking for others who have hearts for single moms (and single dads) and want to become facilitators in their cities. So far, we have three in Dallas and one in Austin, but we’re expanding to include the east and west coast and everywhere in-between.

Natalie: Since you have published this book, The Successful Single Mom, Get Your Life Back and Your Game On, have you thought about the single dads out there?

Honorée: Yes, I just finished the first draft of The Successful Single Dad, and I’m interviewing single dads so I can include their stores in the book. It should be out by Father’s Day!

Top 10 Things to Bring to a Temporary Orders Hearing*

As you prepare for a temporary orders hearing in a family law case, here are the top ten things that you need to bring to prepare yourself:

1. Financial Information Statement – This document summarizes expenses and income flowing in and out of the household from daycare, mortgage payments to the utilities after the net income in order to establish child support, spousal support and to set social study fees in some jurisdictions such as Dallas.
2. Summary of Requested Relief- This document summarizes what you want from the judge in a one-page, succinct manner so that there is no guesswork. It also saves the parties time on the stand trying to articulate what you want.
3. Proof of Income – W-2’s or 1099’s to demonstrate your income for the previous 2 years.
4. Tax Returns – Income tax returns to confirm your taxable income for the previous 2 years.
5. Recent Pay Stubs - Give the judge a snapshot of what you are making in the 2-4 months prior to hearing; it is arguably a more accurate exhibit of your current earnings than tax returns or W-2’s.
6. Photographs of your children/home – “A picture says a thousand words.”  Hopefully, you can dig out some smiley, happy photos of your kiddos and your house on a clean day.
7. Business Records -  Bring medical records, psychological records, bank records and contracts relevant to your lawsuit; they need a Business Records affidavit 14 days prior to hearing to make them admissible.
8. Names of the professionals you need - Use the professionals whom your attorney recommends, including mediators, business valuation specialists, child custody evaluators, and psychological evaluation doctors.
9. Pleadings on file - Make sure that you read your petition and the other side’s counterpetition so that you know what you are asking for at Temporary Orders. Understand what legal theories you are using or defending against so that you are comfortable with the lingo.
10. Witnesses - While you should be prepared to bring neighbors, teachers, family and friends, no judge wants to hear the same testimony from ten different witnesses that you are a good mom or dad.  Be careful with whom you choose and have a different reason for the unique testimony/perspective that each witness can provide for the judge.  Be mindful of others’ time and save the big lineup for trial, not temporary orders.

Related Posts:

• Timeline for Procedures in Family Law
• Top Ten Things to Tell your Lawyer in the First Consultation.
• Top Ten Things to Do Before you File a Family Case
• The Do’s and Don’ts of Testifying in a Family Case
• Top Ten Common Myths in Family Law

* (Accompanying image licensed via Creative Commons)

Divorce Readiness Questionnaire *

Should I get a divorce – an unscientific questionnaire about whether you should pull the trigger:

1. True or False.  I have not had sex with my spouse in over one month.
2. True or False.  I suspect that my spouse is cheating.
3. True or False.  In the six months, my spouse has changed their exercise, dress and grooming regime to look younger or fitter.
4. True or False.  I can’t remember the last time it was “GOOD.”
5. True or False.  I can’t remember why I married my spouse in the first place.
6. True or False.  I don’t have access to the marital accounts, or the access that I have is very limited.
7. True or False.  I am currently involved in a romantic relationship with someone other than my spouse.
8. True or False. My spouse has been diagnosed with a mental disorder/disease and fails to seek counseling or medical treatment.
9. True or False. My spouse has an addiction to drugs, alcohol, porn, shopping that is ruining our family, but fails to seek treatment to address the addiction.
10. True or False. We fight more than we laugh.

1-2 Questions TRUE= you are probably in need of some marital counseling or just a good old-fashioned date night with a heart to heart with your spouse.

2-5 Questions TRUE= Is this salvageable? Does your desire to make it work outweigh your exhaustion at trying to make it work?  If so, then counseling plus a consult with a lawyer to know your rights is advisable.

Over 5 Questions TRUE= Call me.

Natalie Gregg
The Law Office of Natalie Gregg
469-519-1026

RELATED BLOG: Should I get divorced?

* (Image licensed via a Creative Commons license.)

Should I get divorced? *

Question: I’m not sure that I want a divorce. Things have been bad for a while, but I am still hanging on. Sometimes, I feel like it is over, but then I think of the kids, our house—our life. Is divorce really worth it?

Answer: I don’t sell divorce. I will not convince you that your spouse is worthless, abusive, lacking in everything that you find valuable & good in this world– and I will never try to convince you that you need to leave your spouse. If you can’t answer that question yourself, then you probably need to consult with a counselor instead of an attorney.

However, bear in mind that a marriage counselor or family therapist advocates for the relationship …. and therefore the unit of both husband and wife, together. If you want a counselor that advocates for you and for your best interests as an individual, then I recommend a therapist who does cognitive behavioral therapy, psychotherapy or referral of a therapist from a family physician. Look on your health insurance plan and find out if mental health coverage is available and find a provider inside your network to start with.

Focus on your family. Determine whether it can be preserved. Above all, consider your choice very carefully — but once you are certain that you are ready to pull the trigger, call me.

Natalie Gregg
The Law Office of Natalie Gregg
469-519-1026

RELATED POST:
“Divorce Readiness Questionnaire: http://nataliegregg.com/2012/divorce-readiness-questionnaire/

* (Image licensed via Creative Commons)

When to choose mediation over trial? *

TRIAL VERSUS MEDIATION: KNOW WHEN TO FOLD AND KNOW WHEN TO FIGHT

Why should you mediate?
1. You get a custom order written by the parties- not by a judge.

2. You can avoid the emotional and financial costs of going to trial.

3. You don’t have to air your dirty laundry in the courtroom.

4. Your settlement can happen on your schedule- not by a trial date that is decided by the courts.

5. You can be creative, avoid direct confrontation and keep your kids out of the conflict.

Why would you go to trial?
1. The other side has poor representation, including representing themselves.

2. You know that your best day in court is better than any settlement with this “winner.”

3. The other side has repeatedly failed to follow court orders and needs the judge to translate the rules.

4. The other side has engaged in family violence, has addiction issues or infidelity that you want the court to have a clear record of (i.e. for use in possible future litigation).

5. The other side’s attorney has repeatedly shown lack of ability to “come to the table” in good faith, fair negotiation.

* (Image licensed via Creative Commons)

How long does it take to get divorced in Texas? *

“When will this thing be over?”

If you find yourself asking your attorney “are we THERE yet?,” you need to know whether the delay is being caused by your lawyer, the other party, the other lawyer, or just the process. This blog addresses the process of how long it takes to get divorced in Texas, based on the imprecise law of averages depending on whether you have kids, or property or both.

What is the fastest I can get divorced?

The shortest divorce in the history of Texas under the current Family Code would be 61 days long because that is the current mandatory waiting period, or cooling off time one must wait in order to finalize.

How long does it take to get divorced … with kids?

The short answer is … long.

When custody is an issue, inevitably parties must discuss and tweak Parenting Plans, including access, child support, health insurance and conservatorship, assigning parental rights and duties. The good news about cases involved disputed kiddo issues is that we know what we are fighting over from the start. Even though the emotional battle may be difficult, the reasons one may have roadblocks would be psychological issues of the other parent, addiction issues or CPS intervention. Be prepared for 6-9 months average time to finalize.

What about without kids?

If you have no kids and no property, you should have an uncontested divorce. This usually takes 3-6 months.

However, as Judge Callahan recently said, most people “at least own a toothbrush.” Whether you have $2 million or $2 dollars, you still need to divide property.

How long does it take to get divorced if there is a significant estate/property being divided?

The short answer is… the more you have to fight over, the longer it can take.

For significant estates, the length is directly affected by how much your attorneys know when you start, how transparent the financial situation is and how each side reacts. If one party is willing to drag out the fight, it will be dragged out for both.

When you don’t know what is in the pot, you enter into a divorce suit blindfolded. Thus, we have to conduct discovery, investigate what is part of separate property and what is community property. If one party hides assets, we have to sniff out the money.

Discovery is a formal process through which attorneys request documentation for all accounts, debts and tangible assets. This process can be very extended in the murky cases where funds or credit have been commingled, where one or both parties have committed fraud or where either has intentionally wasted community property. In such cases, attorneys have to trace the money and use due diligence to show their clients what they are legally entitled to.

This can take longer because of the discovery issues and the potential need for a tracing expert, a CPA or a complex Inventory to show how the money was spent during the marriage. Be prepared for an average time of 6 months to one year.

How long does it take to get divorced without property?

See above — “What about without kids?” Average time: 3-6 months.

How long does it take to get divorce with property AND with kids?

Get a comfortable seat; this is going to take a while.

The challenge in separating significant estates alongside negotiating child access/support is that we now have two moving parts with several sub-parts. As you can imagine, this is like juggling with fire riding on a bicycle: attorneys can’t speed down the street even if they wanted to do so. This is as much for the safety of their clients as well as their own professional liability.

If you have kids and property, DO NOT feel doomed when you read this. I have seen some graceful couples who are ready to move on handily end a divorce with children and property in 6 months. However, I don’t want to sugar-coat your situation. So, be prepared for an average of 9-18 months to finalize your divorce.

Read more at www.NatalieGregg.com.

*(Image licensed via Creative Commons.)

What are the effects of divorce on kids?*

There are many gut-wrenching stories that clients recount of telling their kids that it is “over” between mommy and daddy. They usually involve calculated timing by the parents, a scripted statement explaining why it happened and a sketch of what is going to happen to the family in the future. Since I’ve never done it myself, I conceive of it as worse than breaking up with a lover or firing an employee—mainly because the recipient of this pain, this rejection, is a child.

While I am not a mental health expert, I would caution divorcing parents to be very careful with how they talk to their children about the “D” word. You might be sick and tired of your spouse, but you will be co-parents after the divorce. For the sake of your children: work together to share the news of your divorce with your children.

As we adults know, the way that a message is packaged sets the trajectory for how that message is received. So consider the following prior to blurting out, “your Dad is leaving Mom and is going to live with his $#%&-ing girlfriend.”

The following ten items outline a course for telling the kids in the least painful way possible:

BEFORE you break the news…

1. Consult a child or family therapist together with your soon-to-be-ex to process the messaging.

2. Write a script for the conversation with your child(ren).

3. Pick a time and place that is safe and that does not involve friends or relatives. Avoid conflict with important dates or deadlines i.e., child’s birthday or right before a big test.

DURING your discussion …

4. In your discussion, focus on the positives of how the child has two people who love her so much that they both want special time with her.

5. Focus on how things at home are going to stay as similar as possible to pre-separation.

6. Tell the child that it is not their fault - that mommy and daddy are just their best selves in two different houses, and that this will be the best way for them to do the best job loving her.

7. Do not blame. Make it appear as a joint decision.

8. Expect tears. You are not being mean — you are not kicking a puppy. Rather, you are being honest and honesty sometimes hurts- a lot.

AFTER the discussion…

9. Expect more questions after your initial announcement. Answer them honestly but while considering the advice above (especially number 6 and number 7).

10. Avoid creating a sense of abandonment — try staying in the same home (if at all possible) the night or day you tell your child.

Above all, put your child first.

As I wrote in a previous blog, you can love your kids or hate your spouse …. but you cannot do both.

* (Image c/o Creative Commons)

Do you want to pay for your own children to go college, or for your attorney's children?*

“How much is this going to cost me?”

This is one of the top questions that I receive from prospective family law clients. After reviewing the deadlines and process of their cases, everyone  is concerned about the cost of litigation.  I tell my clients that “you can send my kids to college– or you can send your kids to college.” 

Here are the top 10 things that you can consider in assessing the real cost of a family law case:

1. Are you going to litigate all issues?  In your first interview, we will assess your goals of litigation and determine which battles you want to fight.  There is no dollar amount equivalent for custody or access, but you can buy a new set of dishes or clothes for the children instead of litigating those matters.  Obviously you can’t pay for more time with the kids, so you will need a lawyer to take that issue to the judge if it is in dispute.
2. A low retainer does not necessarily mean low overall cost.  Just because a lawyer asks for a retainer of $1500 does not mean that the entire $1500 will not evaporate in the first billing cycle. It is important to consider their hourly rate and the number of hours they likely will spend on the case.
3. Are you going to pay me $600 to go to Court to argue over and end table worth $650? Consider the value of the things for which you are fighting, and the costs that it takes to litigate those matters. Rather than have my clients humiliate themselves before the judge, I have even offered to take them to Weirs or Pottery Barn to replace their precious end table; they can get a fun shopping spree and likely spend less than they would have spent in litigation.
4. You can only control your side of the equation.  If spouse’s attorney wants to depose everyone you ever met and the janitor in your office building, then you will pay for it. But the end result will be less money for the estate that will be divided, so no one comes out a winner.
5. Who is opposing counsel?  Sometimes when we see a very litigious opposing counsel on the other side, or an attorney known for his borderline-unethical tricks, we know that we will have to be on the defensive.  The cost of your case will probably be higher.
6. There are fees that have nothing to do with the attorneys that you need to factor in: social study fees, DNA tests, drug tests, psychological evaluations and expert fees.  In the tit-for-tat world of family law, you will pay for all of the testing and scrutiny you want to impose on the other side.
7. Are you hiring a board certified attorney? Board certified attorneys cost more.  Obviously, this credential is important for the knowledge and respect of the bar.  However, board certified lawyers charge a rough average of $150-$250 more than non-board certified family attorneys. Over the full course of a case, this could be thousands and thousands of dollars more for a result that may not be much different.
8. How big is the firm?  Bigger firm, higher overhead. If you are impressed by the scenic views of your attorney’s office and the team of paralegals/receptionists who know your name, you had better enjoy them — because you will certainly be paying for them. By contrast, an attorney with a smaller staff and a more modest office is not under the same pressure to increase your bills in order to cover their overhead. The question is, what do you want to pay for … the attorney’s expertise, or their posh office?
9. A flat fee divorce is not a great way to save money.  If your attorney only charges you a low flat fee, then you should expect them to spend minimal effort on your case. Such legal practices focus on high volume of “check-the-box, cookie-cutter” divorces. Consider, for example, that the court’s required filing fees and cost-of-service alone are nearly $500; this makes me suspicious of any attorney who is advertising a an “all-inclusive divorce” for $500 – 600. Do you want an attorney to spend no more time crafting the legal structure of your family’s future than the typical Starbucks barista spends crafting the foam on your latte?
10. Interview more than one attorney before hiring.  Price shopping with attorneys is not prohibited, but be away that the phrase, “you get what you pay for,” is not always true in this business. You need to ensure that you are comfortable with not only the price of an attorney, but with their approach and how well you get along with them. Remember, you are going to spend some of the most stressful periods of your life with this person at your side; pick someone whom you want on your team to guide you through this process, not just the one who appeared to charge you the least.

Related blogs to consider reading:

• You can love your kids or hate your spouse- but you can’t do both
• What to Expect (and what not to) in Family Law
• Top Ten Common Myths in Family Law

* (Image c/o Creative Commons)

At the end of the holiday, if the transition from mom’s to dad’s house is smooth and seamless, you can give your child a gift they never ever knew they needed but will cherish forever: effective co-parenting.

Whether it is Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply winter break from school or daycare, it is important to make it a special time for the children.  Arguments over exchange times or final custody orders can flare up at these times, and you need to remember that these are also the times that matter the most to your kids.

They deserve a wonderful holiday season. Just because you do not live together with your spouse does not mean that you both cannot work together to provide this to them.

Even if you practice different religions from your former spouse, or don’t observe religious holidays at all, you should embrace the secular extravaganza as a chance to remind your children that they are loved.  If this is your first holiday post-order, consider making new traditions: Elf on the Shelf, cookie baking, the Nutcracker, Dickens, fireside chats or even Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve.  If you want to cling to the old traditions that your kiddos hold dear, so be it.  But don’t begrudge your ex for the traditions that they are building with your children.

So when you get the last minute call that dad is running late because of that “darn traffic at Northpark mall,” cut him some slack.  Likewise, if mom is harried and frenzied over her new in-laws coming over and asks if you can pick up little Sammy at 4:00 instead of 6:00 p.m., work with her to create the best holiday possible for your children.

Above all: Don’t be a Grinch!

When you spell love with the tune of a seven-figure contract to film your “intimate” wedding and commercialize your vows, there is barely time to unpack the china and crystal (much less have a normal new marriage). However, it begs the question: do these celebrities have anything to lose by these “quick and dirty” matrimonial missteps in the public square?

Hardly; in fact, their empires profit! Kardashian stock is up even in this market — never mind that the IPO was just 72 days fresh. While Humphries seeks annulment and Kardashian wants a simple divorce, it is unclear who is the pawn: the audience, the soon-to-be ex-spouses … or the institution of marriage.